Wotan and The Hunt

Last night's meditation found me on the outskirts of a forest with Mar circling around me.
We could hear music just over the hill and we could see a party happening around a bonfire when we peered over the mound.

Mimir's Well

Two nights ago I started up with meditating again to see who I'd meet and to get back into the habit of doing it nightly, as I find it easier to see/hear/talk to Loki and the others that way.

Guess who's back....

Sorry for the absence; exams, college, work and general stress made me take a break from posting up here for a while.

Loki, Sigyn, Odin and the rest of them have been incredibly patient while I've been sorting my shit out, and even though I had tons of things to worry about, my thoughts weren't far from them.

But all that's over with for the mean time - I got an A for my HNC and have been accepted into next years HND course, I've had my jaw operation (which went better than the doctors had expected) and was out within two days of the surgery.

So this is me getting back, again, into the groove of things and apologizing to them for the lack of attention.

I'll post up the talks I've had with them in a bit, but that's me back anyways. Sorry for the wait.

Gerda or Mengloth?

Last night I had been researching for my up coming surgery this year; I've got a slight overbite and my orthodontist wants me to get corrective surgery.
After about an hour online, I was pretty much stressing myself out; I'd see YouTube videos of before and the weeks following the procedure, a blog detailing what would happen, how they would crack my jaw and add plates.
Overall, I'm worried about the outcome after months of swelling and pain; would it be worth it or will there be barely any difference?

Later, when I was in bed, Loki told me "If you're really that worried, go and talk to someone."
He didn't mean "Go and wake up your Mum and have a chat" or "Ask your dentist", he meant "I know some people, but you're going to have to "travel" and find them yourself." Cheers for that, mate.

I laid back and tried to see if I could find them.

Bonfire/Dancing Meditation

I've been trying this new technique for when I'm trying to meditate at night, and so far I've gotten positive results.
I imagine people dancing around a bonfire, with a few people playing music on the side. I start off by singing a folk song to the dancers, then I join in with the dancing which usually starts off in pairs spinning around the fire, before breaking off and dance alone - occasionally weaving arms as we go. After a while, I begin to physically feel movements which I see myself doing.

The first time I did this, I believe I heard Loki's real voice (it defiantly didn't feel connected to what I was visualizing in my head). But I can't remember what he said!
I then moved on, drawing the rune Gar in my head, and focused on Yggdrasil. Next thing I know is I'm being hauled upwards very quickly, my body was spinning as it went and I wanted to close my eyes and cover them with my hands.

Anyways, I decided to try again last night, to see if the dancing and singing somehow helps to hear Their voices better.
Here's how it went last night:

I think my suspicions that it was probably Odin were maybe right.

Last night I tried again with similar results; thought of the runes Os and Ehwaz, pressure point on my forehead, etc.
But last night the pressure moved to my right eye and it felt like someone pressing the heel of their hand softly into my eye socket. I tried to opened my eyes, but my right one remained closed.

I'm not scared of Odin, but I'm wary of him being around when I can't feel Loki nearby (plus the fact I've been pretty cheeky to Odin in past dreams, so I can't help but feel he might have it out for me - disrespect of the All Father and all that jazz).
So I stated my Terms and Conditions, like the first time someone took over.
I honestly didn't believe at all  he'd even listen or take in any of it, but when I finished and said "Okay, on you go", my arm give a massive jolt... so I took that as a 'alright then' and stood back.

He didn't stay for long and his presence didn't feel very strong either - not like the first time I tried it. Maybe I've been trying too quickly and should wait a bit longer before going at it again.

Fun with Runes!

Was practising 'letting them in' again last night; rather than writing the runes on my hand, I visualised the rune Os in my head. As soon as I had the shape traced in my mind, it felt like someone was pressing their finger really hard against my forehead (above the space between my eyebrows).
I thought to myself, "Well fuck, someone doesn't want me playing host."
I pulled back, deciding not to let my session go to waste, and focused on the runes Gar and Raido to help me travel. I only rose up a little bit before the finger on my forehead pushed me back down into myself.
"Okay, okay. I'll stop." And just rolled myself over to sulk to sleep. Still have no idea who it was that was pushing me back; though I suspect maybe Odin had a hand in it but don't have any proof yet.

This morning I was running extremely late for college due to buses being late ("Buses every 10 minutes" my ass!)
When I finally got onto one I realised that I wouldn't make the usual 25 minute journey (+ the 15mins to walk to the college) in the 20 minutes I had till class started.
Thinking "Oh I may as well, my luck can't get any worse right now," I visualised Raido and chanted 'swift travels' over and over in my head.
All the lights on the main road turned green one right after the other as our bus drove along, and it arrived in the town within five minutes.
Fuck yeah!

Gods prancing around in meat suits

The other night I decided I was going to let Loki 'in' for a little bit; I've heard about the risks and side effects, especially if you've never done it before, but curiosity simply got the better of me (and Loki seemed rather eager once I hinted at it).
So I got myself ready and he gave the clue to use runes to help move things long.

I found that rather then visualising or drawing runes in the air, I can connect to them better when I write them onto my skin - so I spent some time drawing a cocktail of different runes onto the back of my hand (some to help me 'let him in', some to help me retain some control, and the rest to help me travel and ground myself back into my body easily).

I don't know if runes are essential in letting your gods prance about in your meat suit, but Loki wanted me to use the runes to give me a bit more strength in those crucial areas; especially if something was to go wrong and I needed to jump back in pronto.

Normally it takes me a bit of relaxing and breathing before I even get the buzz that tells me something's happening, but this time as soon as I laid back I was off.

As a kid, I used to do this thing where I could trick my body and mind into thinking my bed was floating and rocking back and forth; I could even feel the motion of it moving. That feeling is kind of what it felt like when I laid down; a feeling of moving up and about while I could still feel my body lying on my bed

In my head I starting listing a few rules (not that Loki would really listen to them, but hopefully ones that he'd keep in mind). Things like: not to cause myself bodily harm while he's got free rein of my body, not to hurt family/friends/pets, to try and resist messing with our personal/valuable items...or if he couldn't resist, to not break them, etc.

Once I did all that, I stepped back and let him have at it.

There was an immediate pressure on my forehead, like someone pressing a hand to it. Then my neck started twinging, giving the notion of wanting to move my head backwards.
I got the sense that it'd relieve the pressure on my forehead if I let him move my head back, so I opened up a bit more and allowed him to do so...very slowly. That kind of made me freak out for a few minutes while he did that, as I could not physically stop my head or body from moving once I gave him the green light. I really couldn't move or influence my body at all.

It got to the point where Loki couldn't move my head any further back, and my torso was trying to sit upright...which was giving him trouble as I was in a lying down position with my arms pinned by my sides, but damn was Loki trying to sit me up anyways. Finally he gave a small lurch upwards, and I instantly managed to take over. I called for a time out and Loki happily stepped out fully.

Root Chakra TLC?

After my shower something grabbed my attention and it basically said I needed to start looking after my body. So I raided my makeup drawer without really thinking on it and started to rub in body moisturiser all over my legs and body; also while worrying about how I was going to do my night meditation with all this junk all over my skin that could possibly block out things. But I kept going, nodding when it said to pay attention to my feet, which I did after I'd finished the rest of me.

It was only when I was done rubbing it into my skin and was massaging the soles of my feet that I realised I was giving some serious TLC to my root chakra. I then another message that basically said this:
'You need to cleanse yourself for what's going to happen next. You've been collecting too much bad energy from everything around you, even from the ground you've been walking on.  So we're starting from the very beginning, bottom to top, roots first.'
Then I got the notion that I'll be moving on to other parts of my body or chakras as time goes on.

After that, I threw on my slippers to make my way to my bed (it felt like I needed to keep my feet off the floor directly for a while), got out some incense and am now away to try and meditate for a bit on what the hell this master plan is.

Stalker Ravens?

Sigyn's flowers finally bit the dust last night; the newest buds were still a lovely pale lilac colour, but  the stems were withering at points so they simply drooped over. I kept the white flowers, with the tiny buds though.
This morning I took the dying flowers out to a newly planted tree on the side of our road and placed them there at the base. When I reached my bus stop, I looked back, only to find two ravens hopping around the pavement near the remains. They must have thought it was food.
Still, I still can't help the instant feeling that they're really Muninn and Huginn, Odin's ravens. Whenever I'm leaving an offering, thinking about the gods, or something generally related to them, I always see two ravens flying about - could be coincidence, but I can't help but think that maybe Odin's keeping an eye on me... literally.
I KID, SIR, I KID! ...That's wasn't very tactful, sorry.

I also seem to be having problems with my back, probably from the amount of filing I had to do at work yesterday; I was hunched over my chair for five hours straight. Now I've got this knot near my shoulder blade (oddly, it also feels like its on my side, under my left arm) which grinds every time I try to breathe.
It was hard last night to do my meditation (I've started doing it at night, before bed) as the pain was more in line with my spinal cord, but not only hurting when I breathed, but pulsing/twitching a bit.
I can only hope that lying down will somehow ease the pain enough to carry on tonight.

Sigyn's offering

I think it went pretty well (although earlier I remembered I was going to get strawberries to add to her cup - whoops). Walking home, carrying a bundle of flowers to give to a certain goddess is probably one of the strangest thing's I've done so far, I'll admit.

I couldn't decided on the wine to give her, as I wanted to give her something sweet but I have no clue when it comes to drinks. I ended up sticking my finger in each and tasting them...and nearly dislocated my arm in the process of removing a cork from a wine I got about seven years ago. Loki got his beer while I concocted something for us girls.

It didn't taste all that great - but that could have just been me as I'm not a fan of wine, and hence why I doused it with Sprite to try and sweeten it up.

Things were pretty quiet for a while; just me watching the altar while sipping my drink.

I then decided to lift up Sigyn's bowl and hold it in my hands for a while.
After fifteen minuets, I was still holding out the bowl - arms shaking like nuts, hands twitching the bowl as if to toss out the drink. I could never possibly fully appreciate how hard it must have been for her to hold her own bowl over Loki for years and years - I only did fifteen minutes and I was struggling.

Conveniently, it was midnight when I put the bowl back, and meditated for another fifteen. It always feels like I'm being pulled upward when I meditate - not just my spine straightening, but really going up. There was also something touching my jaw and then on my cheek under my eye which got annoying up to the end.

There wasn't any hints as to why she wanted an impromptu 'Beltane Loving Cup' and she was silent throughout, as was Loki - funnily enough, during my bowl holding, I noticed that his candle had gone out. I might take that as him leaving while I basically reenacted what Sigyn has done (or will be doing - their time is different form ours) for him.

That was about it for that ritual anyways, nothing much. Maybe something will happen soon - this might have been part one in a sort of payment installment for asking for her help, I don't know.

I keep getting a warm feeling every time I turn round and look at their altar - almost feels like they're there, smiling at each other and sharing their drinks.

So, that's it for this post. I'll leave you with a new picture of the altar (it looks a lot cozier when the candles are lit and the oil burner is going...not to mention a bowl of wine and a pint of beer):

Since Sigyn has been hovering around, I feel more inclined to not say I'm a only a Lokean, but rather say I'm a Norse Pagan or 'right smack bang within the Rökkatru/Rökkr patheon'. Good times.

Fretting aside, I'm legitimatly looking forward to tonight with Siygn. Even the altar, which was Loki's corner, has become a bit more feminine looking - I gave her an old teddy I had since I was little and sat it amongst my pagan books.
I also found yesterday at college one of those small plastic flowers lying on the floor in the hallway - it was only the flower head, but it looked so out of place I instinctively picked it up and carried on. It's now sitting beside Loki's carnelian stone and Sigyn's rose quartz, at the base of my white candle.

If I had the room I'd make separate altars for any of them who stopped by, but for now it'll do - I don't think they mind too much sharing a space. I even think they rather like it.


Last night I tried some meditation lying down - to help me sleep. It was going pretty well, then cue a massive full body spasm which knocked my concentration and I couldn't get back into my rhythm. I'm used to twitching hands and heads turning suddenly, but this is a first that my entire body jolted.
Must have had a lot of tension that needed booted out, heh.

Managing Time

I feel that one of my main problems is there isn't seriously enough hours in a day.

For example:

• Today is cleaning day so I have to hoover and dust my bedroom. 
• I also have three power points to be in this following week (two have to be in on Thursday) so I need to get some done today as well. 
• I've been neglecting to do any ritual or meditative work so I need to find space for that.
• I also want some free time to do things I like doing  to unwind (reading, blogging etc)
• It's also Sunday, so I need be to in bed at a reasonably hour for work tomorrow.

It amazes me constantly when I read others blogs or posts how well they can manage all these daily things and still have time left over without breaking a sweat. Maybe when I'm done with college, and hopefully have my own flat, I'll be in a position where I can devote more time to each without distractions.

I've read somewhere that cleaning the home can be turned/seen as a ritual (I suppose, cleansing the sacred space and what not) but I don't know if I can get past the 'oh-god-another-chore' feeling and look at it as something to look forward to just yet.

I have been lighting up the candles on Loki's corner lately but it doesn't feel like anything because I haven't been giving enough effort in my other areas. It feels like he's taken leave from the altar for the mean time until I can muster up something. 

It's funny how earlier this year it was constant dream after dream, and now it's very quiet - probably because I'm focusing so much on college now rather than earlier this year when I was pouring over the Edda's and thinking about them constantly.

Other Lokeans, and I, have all noticed that he does have periods when he's very 'there' and other times where he's flown off  for a while (away planning something big) and come back.

I'm hoping, internally, that he hasn't decided to hand me over to Odin for a little while - if he has then there's nothing I can really do; but after that dream and the way I acted, I've got the feeling that Odin will push me even harder in whatever he's there to teach me about. Eek.

Trying To Create Balance

A few days ago, it was decided that Leo (my 14 week old rabbit), was going to be moved from the study into my room - we're planning on getting him a larger cage and my dressing table is the only free surface big enough for it to go.

But my dressing table was actually my alter space with all my candles, incense etc. I had no choice but to move all my gear somewhere else. It had to be in an open space (I couldn't bear the thought of hiding my tools in a cupboard), it had to be easy to reach (so the shelves were out) and it had to be big enough at least to hold the very basics.
But there was no room, at all.
I must have stood for a good half hour, turning around, looking to see where I could move-this-to-create-space-there. A bit of reorganization later and I had converted my beside table into a ... shrine, I guess. It's not the best and it doesn't compare to my old alter - which I had received nice comments about when I posted a photo online a few years back - but it would have to make do.
I said a message to Loki (as it is basically his shrine) that if he sees room for improvement or would like something added, to give me a hint.
So far: flowers would be nice, some image of himself (statue, picture or symbol) and maybe a cloth.

As for the 'Quiet Worship Time' I had planned to do to help get myself back into daily worship, I think most of the meditations were designed for those who live alone or have the time in the day to sit down and have peace and quiet for a few hours.
Apparently, these meditations don't really work when you still live at home with your parents and older sister (Which also means my plan to live as stress free as possible is buggered. No one is stress free when they still live at home, you nearly murder each other every week.). It's a struggle to concentrate.

The only time I can focus is at night, about twelve or one in the morning when everyone is asleep; I even tried last night, but the problem was that Leo was still moving about. I tried using meditation podcasts and music on my iPod to tune everything out....but it was 1am, I was shattered, and I ended up rolling over and going to sleep. And I can't do it during the day as I work full time during the summer holidays.

I'm struggling a bit with how much time I can really give and I can only give very brief rituals or very meager offerings to Loki of sweets and energy drinks (which I'm lucky that he likes)