Guess who's back....

Sorry for the absence; exams, college, work and general stress made me take a break from posting up here for a while.

Loki, Sigyn, Odin and the rest of them have been incredibly patient while I've been sorting my shit out, and even though I had tons of things to worry about, my thoughts weren't far from them.

But all that's over with for the mean time - I got an A for my HNC and have been accepted into next years HND course, I've had my jaw operation (which went better than the doctors had expected) and was out within two days of the surgery.

So this is me getting back, again, into the groove of things and apologizing to them for the lack of attention.

I'll post up the talks I've had with them in a bit, but that's me back anyways. Sorry for the wait.

Managing Time

I feel that one of my main problems is there isn't seriously enough hours in a day.

For example:

• Today is cleaning day so I have to hoover and dust my bedroom. 
• I also have three power points to be in this following week (two have to be in on Thursday) so I need to get some done today as well. 
• I've been neglecting to do any ritual or meditative work so I need to find space for that.
• I also want some free time to do things I like doing  to unwind (reading, blogging etc)
• It's also Sunday, so I need be to in bed at a reasonably hour for work tomorrow.

It amazes me constantly when I read others blogs or posts how well they can manage all these daily things and still have time left over without breaking a sweat. Maybe when I'm done with college, and hopefully have my own flat, I'll be in a position where I can devote more time to each without distractions.

I've read somewhere that cleaning the home can be turned/seen as a ritual (I suppose, cleansing the sacred space and what not) but I don't know if I can get past the 'oh-god-another-chore' feeling and look at it as something to look forward to just yet.

I have been lighting up the candles on Loki's corner lately but it doesn't feel like anything because I haven't been giving enough effort in my other areas. It feels like he's taken leave from the altar for the mean time until I can muster up something. 

It's funny how earlier this year it was constant dream after dream, and now it's very quiet - probably because I'm focusing so much on college now rather than earlier this year when I was pouring over the Edda's and thinking about them constantly.

Other Lokeans, and I, have all noticed that he does have periods when he's very 'there' and other times where he's flown off  for a while (away planning something big) and come back.

I'm hoping, internally, that he hasn't decided to hand me over to Odin for a little while - if he has then there's nothing I can really do; but after that dream and the way I acted, I've got the feeling that Odin will push me even harder in whatever he's there to teach me about. Eek.

Semi good day

I had a dream last night that my bus driver was being an absolute dick and I had to flag down another bus, who wouldn't tell me how much I was for my fare.

Annnnnd this morning my bus was half an hour late! Normally when I leave my house at 8am, I only have to wait about ten minutes tops for a bus to come up my road. It also means I usually arrive in the town about 8:30am and I can walk into college, buy my breakfast and be outside my class by 8:45am or near enough. I only just managed to get into my class on time.

The best bit is though, that there is this one driver (let's call him Mr Baldy) who I can't stand. He won't give me my single fare into town, he only lets me buy returns or All Day tickets (I'm serious, he wouldn't give me a single no matter what).
Here's how our morning conversations go:

Me: £1.40 to Guild Street please.
Him: *takes my money* Are you a student.
Me: Yes.
Him: *holds hand out* Student Card.
Me: I don't have one yet.
Him: *glare* £1.40. Are you at college?
Me: I am, yes.
Him: Hmm. St. Paul's Street - £1.90.
Me: I don't want to go to St. Paul's Street - I want off at Guild Street!
Him: Fine. You'd better buying a return.
Me: No thanks, just the single.
Him: No, it's cheaper.
Me: No it's not, I just want the single.

But this time I am fuming mad, there's a huge queue behind me, I am running late because of him and I just want a single bloody ticket to Guild Street - I don't want a return fare for £3.60 or to go another street! Just give me what I asked and get me there! And he only does it to me! No one else! They can get their tickets and be in their seats within fifteenth seconds, I have to battle and negotiate before I can get mine. And no, he's not trying to be helpful; he's just trying to waste my time and get more money off me, and becomes more unco-operative the more I don't do what he says and buy the more expensive (and in my case useless) All Day ticket.

Thankfully there's other drivers who are much nicer and give you the right fare, no backchat, with smile. They are the ones who really deserve the 'Thank you!' when you jump off at your stop. I only say it to Mr Baldy because I'm polite. The arsehole.

On the plus side, when I went book hunting I found all three books that I wanted on offer (pick and match, 3 for 2)! Horray!

Downside, my sister just crushed my dream of taking a parapsychology coarse by being an utter kill joy over how I'd never get a job. Even though I'd get a Ph.D out of it and could do other medical or psychological topics after.
Really though, I have less chance of getting a job as a photographer if I stick with this photography coarse: you'd be more likely to get a good job with a degree in a medical/science rather than with a HND in photography, surely?

Not get a good job...who'd want to hire someone with a degree in ghost hunting....Just look at Dr. Ciaran O'Keeffe, my dear sister. I'm sure his woe over having an unusual degree is softened by the sound of fame and money in his pocket. Just sayin'.

Soooo, my first day at college

The buses decided to run on time today, resulting in me getting into town much earlier than I expected, but that gave me time to daudle around W.H.Smith and look at their books. I'm surprised at the number of books that I've had trouble finding in Waterstones; I'll vow that I'll check WHS first next time. I didn't have enough money for a book in the end, so I just got my lunch and headed to the college.

Most people scoff when they hear people say how much they think about gods or worship during their normal day to day lives; I was one of those people untill I realised that I'm basically thinking over Norse tales and about Loki or the others constantly. I spent the entire walk to the college eating the fruit salad I had bought and thinking about Idunna's golden apples as I munched on mine: what would Idunna's taste like? Would you feel the magick in them as you ate them? Would she like some apples left somewhere in offering? I don't worship her really, but I think she'd like them anyways.

I had hoped that I'd run into some people I knew for the inductions, and I spotted a familiar back and head of hair outside the doors, so I did the usual thing and ran up to them and kicked their bag (after, you know, checking that I was really them and not some random...cause that would be really awkward). So we chatted about school, results, how the group is being really bitchy lately, then we headed inside and went to our separate departments for our inductions. 

Two hours later - after a tour, discussing topics, looking at timetables - I headed into the town.

...Okay not true, I hung about for about half an hour, as I didn't know if it was just a break for lunch or if that was it. I gave up in the end THEN I went into town for a browse.

I headed into the local Pagan shop for a look; I hadn't thought about buying anything (I didn't have much) but I spotted a chunk of carnelian and a spiral metal pendant for holding rocks. I thought about that necklace that I dreamed about and decided, yes, I will buy and somehow make that for Loki.

And I did, and am wearing it now. It's a bit bland and doesn't have the beads like in the dream (I might add them on if I get some) but I really like it.

 I had been thinking for a while that my Mjölnir pendant wouldn't properly show that I belong to Loki, even thought I had bought one with a red gem, just for him. Thor's Hammer is considered a universal symbol for those of Norse Pagan beliefs, but people would assume that my god is Thor, and I wanted to find something that would be directly linked to him. 

I've always linked carnelian stones to Loki (no idea why) and I've decorated his alter in them; at the shop, I didn't look at all the stones on offer, I just immediately zoned in on them out of all the others.

Update:

After typing that last paragraph, I decided I would try and see if carnelian is linked to him or why I would think that (I do have a crystal handbook, but I couldn't even recite one of the stones out of it so i doubt it's something I read in there. I did check anyways, and it didn't say much).

I found this site which goes into detail about the properties of carnelian and it's said to help public speaking, give courage, linked to the root chakra, gives optimism and helps relieve stress, among other things. (I read it through going 'shiiiit, no wonder I got the Loki vibe off of it.')

I can't be far off the mark, as some other Lokeans, or those who worship within the Rökkr, have used carnelian in their ritual or dedication jewelry too. Could just be because they like the orange colour, which would suit them, or they feel the same as me. Either way, if more than one person is doing the same, then you must be doing something right.

Just a note

So, in a few hours I'll be starting my first day at college!
I'm feeling a little bit nervous (only natural) and I've been chanting in my head all this morning, "Please, Loki, let me have a good day. Let me have a good day."
I think the biggest difference will be the fact that I will not be with friends there and I'll have to try and make new ones.
Although, said friends haven't really been talkative lately since I quit their project. No words to me at all.

 I even sent out an email on Monday, asking (on my last day of freedom, Wednesday) if anyone wanted to hang out, get a coffee - and no one replied.
 I know they could have been busy, but I'm getting the feeling that because I had the guts to say that I wasn't going to waste my precious time and money on this mini-film; while the rest of the gang hung their heads and resigned themselves to their fate of being roped in without really having a choice in the matter.
I feel like I'm being shunned for however long they see fit to keep me at a distance because of all that, and I've been getting the feeling that Loki's dancing about going: "See! Told you, told you! I said this would happen ages ago, and you saw only one aspect of that particular lesson then - now, this is another aspect of that same lesson, my dear. I warned you they would do this and now you can see it for yourself, no rose tinted glasses."

I might do another post later, after college.
Till then, hail Loki and let this be a really good day :)