Wotan and The Hunt

Last night's meditation found me on the outskirts of a forest with Mar circling around me.
We could hear music just over the hill and we could see a party happening around a bonfire when we peered over the mound.

Guess who's back....

Sorry for the absence; exams, college, work and general stress made me take a break from posting up here for a while.

Loki, Sigyn, Odin and the rest of them have been incredibly patient while I've been sorting my shit out, and even though I had tons of things to worry about, my thoughts weren't far from them.

But all that's over with for the mean time - I got an A for my HNC and have been accepted into next years HND course, I've had my jaw operation (which went better than the doctors had expected) and was out within two days of the surgery.

So this is me getting back, again, into the groove of things and apologizing to them for the lack of attention.

I'll post up the talks I've had with them in a bit, but that's me back anyways. Sorry for the wait.

Bonfire/Dancing Meditation

I've been trying this new technique for when I'm trying to meditate at night, and so far I've gotten positive results.
I imagine people dancing around a bonfire, with a few people playing music on the side. I start off by singing a folk song to the dancers, then I join in with the dancing which usually starts off in pairs spinning around the fire, before breaking off and dance alone - occasionally weaving arms as we go. After a while, I begin to physically feel movements which I see myself doing.

The first time I did this, I believe I heard Loki's real voice (it defiantly didn't feel connected to what I was visualizing in my head). But I can't remember what he said!
I then moved on, drawing the rune Gar in my head, and focused on Yggdrasil. Next thing I know is I'm being hauled upwards very quickly, my body was spinning as it went and I wanted to close my eyes and cover them with my hands.

Anyways, I decided to try again last night, to see if the dancing and singing somehow helps to hear Their voices better.
Here's how it went last night:

I think my suspicions that it was probably Odin were maybe right.

Last night I tried again with similar results; thought of the runes Os and Ehwaz, pressure point on my forehead, etc.
But last night the pressure moved to my right eye and it felt like someone pressing the heel of their hand softly into my eye socket. I tried to opened my eyes, but my right one remained closed.

I'm not scared of Odin, but I'm wary of him being around when I can't feel Loki nearby (plus the fact I've been pretty cheeky to Odin in past dreams, so I can't help but feel he might have it out for me - disrespect of the All Father and all that jazz).
So I stated my Terms and Conditions, like the first time someone took over.
I honestly didn't believe at all  he'd even listen or take in any of it, but when I finished and said "Okay, on you go", my arm give a massive jolt... so I took that as a 'alright then' and stood back.

He didn't stay for long and his presence didn't feel very strong either - not like the first time I tried it. Maybe I've been trying too quickly and should wait a bit longer before going at it again.

Fun with Runes!

Was practising 'letting them in' again last night; rather than writing the runes on my hand, I visualised the rune Os in my head. As soon as I had the shape traced in my mind, it felt like someone was pressing their finger really hard against my forehead (above the space between my eyebrows).
I thought to myself, "Well fuck, someone doesn't want me playing host."
I pulled back, deciding not to let my session go to waste, and focused on the runes Gar and Raido to help me travel. I only rose up a little bit before the finger on my forehead pushed me back down into myself.
"Okay, okay. I'll stop." And just rolled myself over to sulk to sleep. Still have no idea who it was that was pushing me back; though I suspect maybe Odin had a hand in it but don't have any proof yet.

This morning I was running extremely late for college due to buses being late ("Buses every 10 minutes" my ass!)
When I finally got onto one I realised that I wouldn't make the usual 25 minute journey (+ the 15mins to walk to the college) in the 20 minutes I had till class started.
Thinking "Oh I may as well, my luck can't get any worse right now," I visualised Raido and chanted 'swift travels' over and over in my head.
All the lights on the main road turned green one right after the other as our bus drove along, and it arrived in the town within five minutes.
Fuck yeah!

Here's a song I wrote for Odin nearly a year ago; I've only just had the motivation to post it up. Any ways, it follows a walking beat (I'd try and describe the song to go with it, but it'd probably sound confusing. I'd be better off making a recording later and putting it up later).

The Wanderer walks down a lonely road,
Gathering stories yet to be told.
As the darkness falls and the wind begins to call,
He follows the only road he's even known;
The lonely, wandering, traveller's road.  

As mountains rise; reaching ever blue skies,
The horizon stretches on, and the trail still leads beyond.
With a fur cloak wrap, and his ever wide brimmed hat,
Looks on with one good eye, and the wolves begin to cry.  

But he keeps walking down the ever winding road;
The lonely, wandering, travellers road.  

As his good friend, Thunder, laughs from up above,
And his dark feathered ravens being to hove.
While his blood brother, Fire, smiles and warms his hands,
Like a ship he's never sure, quite where he will land. 

But he keeps walking down the ever winding road;
The lonely, wandering, travellers road. 

No companions, only shadows, who come in tow,
With the traveller on the winding road. 

The lonely wanderer on the endless road.

Stalker Ravens?

Sigyn's flowers finally bit the dust last night; the newest buds were still a lovely pale lilac colour, but  the stems were withering at points so they simply drooped over. I kept the white flowers, with the tiny buds though.
This morning I took the dying flowers out to a newly planted tree on the side of our road and placed them there at the base. When I reached my bus stop, I looked back, only to find two ravens hopping around the pavement near the remains. They must have thought it was food.
Still, I still can't help the instant feeling that they're really Muninn and Huginn, Odin's ravens. Whenever I'm leaving an offering, thinking about the gods, or something generally related to them, I always see two ravens flying about - could be coincidence, but I can't help but think that maybe Odin's keeping an eye on me... literally.
I KID, SIR, I KID! ...That's wasn't very tactful, sorry.

I also seem to be having problems with my back, probably from the amount of filing I had to do at work yesterday; I was hunched over my chair for five hours straight. Now I've got this knot near my shoulder blade (oddly, it also feels like its on my side, under my left arm) which grinds every time I try to breathe.
It was hard last night to do my meditation (I've started doing it at night, before bed) as the pain was more in line with my spinal cord, but not only hurting when I breathed, but pulsing/twitching a bit.
I can only hope that lying down will somehow ease the pain enough to carry on tonight.

Acceptance of Lokeans on Pagan Forums? (pt.2)

Was bouncing about the forums again when I came across a post dated from this Septrember.

The topic of the post was basically about a scholar who said that during the act of Loki throwing the mistletoe twig at Balder, it transformed into a spear - and if this was similar to another myth about the attempted mock sacrifice of King Vikar to Odin, where the twig in play also transforms into a deadly spear too.

All fine and dandy, but I noticed the author of the post is pretty famous on the website for stirring up trouble for the Lokeans, and true to form their opening line was:

 " This isn't another "lets argue about Loki" post. (Though if anyone's up for it, Im always game. ...kidding. Sort of.) "

Now really, the topic of the post didn't exactly call for an argument over how evil Loki is, but yet this person had to go and say this to encourage trouble - again.

I think this is a good example for anyone who says that Lokeans are always the ones who start trouble: Yes, in some cases some 'Lokeans' do start it ...but for most of us, we don't.
 Usually we start getting abuse when we try to point out something in a discussion that we don't really agree with. In most cases it's because they have a vendetta against our god so 'we deserve all the abuse they can dish out'.

Thankfully I noticed that participial thread only got one reply, from another member who's parton deity is Lady Hela. And they said:

" Well, if you take the rock hard poly approach, who do you think taught Loki how do that trick? "

It's always nice to see others within the Rökkatru or Rökkr taking the bull by the horns and showing them that Loki isn't the only trickster within Asgard's walls.

Managing Time

I feel that one of my main problems is there isn't seriously enough hours in a day.

For example:

• Today is cleaning day so I have to hoover and dust my bedroom. 
• I also have three power points to be in this following week (two have to be in on Thursday) so I need to get some done today as well. 
• I've been neglecting to do any ritual or meditative work so I need to find space for that.
• I also want some free time to do things I like doing  to unwind (reading, blogging etc)
• It's also Sunday, so I need be to in bed at a reasonably hour for work tomorrow.

It amazes me constantly when I read others blogs or posts how well they can manage all these daily things and still have time left over without breaking a sweat. Maybe when I'm done with college, and hopefully have my own flat, I'll be in a position where I can devote more time to each without distractions.

I've read somewhere that cleaning the home can be turned/seen as a ritual (I suppose, cleansing the sacred space and what not) but I don't know if I can get past the 'oh-god-another-chore' feeling and look at it as something to look forward to just yet.

I have been lighting up the candles on Loki's corner lately but it doesn't feel like anything because I haven't been giving enough effort in my other areas. It feels like he's taken leave from the altar for the mean time until I can muster up something. 

It's funny how earlier this year it was constant dream after dream, and now it's very quiet - probably because I'm focusing so much on college now rather than earlier this year when I was pouring over the Edda's and thinking about them constantly.

Other Lokeans, and I, have all noticed that he does have periods when he's very 'there' and other times where he's flown off  for a while (away planning something big) and come back.

I'm hoping, internally, that he hasn't decided to hand me over to Odin for a little while - if he has then there's nothing I can really do; but after that dream and the way I acted, I've got the feeling that Odin will push me even harder in whatever he's there to teach me about. Eek.

Oh shit

I've just got up from a weird dream (I'm on holiday so I'm having a long lie in, sue me) so I'm getting it down while I still can.

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There was a friend in the dream; he looked familiar and I could point a finger at who it was out of my group of friends in real life, but because my head's still fuzzy, he could have been made up to fill in the gap.
Either way, this friend and I were going to an old man's house as we'd been round to others where the men and women had been (I think, we weren't shown) hurt or killed, and we felt this guy was next.

 A noticeable point was that the dream kept showing our clothing; my friend was dressed in normal clothes (black shirt and black trousers) but I was in a long red knee length top, brown boots and had reddish hair with a braid hanging on one side.

We get to the house and head over to the fireplace where there's a heap of books. The friend sits in a chair and I start sifting through the books; which are on occult, paganism and the Eddas.

There's a sudden sense of panic as me and my friend looked at each other- we feel something coming. I then spot another book that my friend is actually sitting on, so I pull it out. It's a book on Wotan/Odin and the wild hunt.
Next thing, the door's being kicked off the hinges and there was a storm blowing a gale. In the door way is Odin with his staff, helmet, armor and all his shining glory - the whole deal really -even his aura or presence screamed power. I would have been crapping myself at the sight of him just being there on any other day. But...

On instinct, I ran up to him and stood with my arms spread to stop him from getting to my friend - but Odin was huge and I only came up to his waist. He pushed past and made for my friend, who looked unconscious.
I start speaking softly to Odin (there was no way in hell I was going to should at HIM; coming to get my friend or not, he still had my respect as a god), saying things like "Please, Odin. Not him." "Please, leave him alone." "Odin, you can't have him."as I walked in step with him, arms behind my back, like some adviser, or tugged at his sleeve to get his attention.

Finally, when Odin's standing beside my friend, he looks at me and asks "Why do you care so much?"
"Please Odin, I'll do anything. Just leave him be." Calm as you please for standing up to the big boss.
He smiled and there was a twinkle in his good eye (not a good sign) as he leaned down to look at my face. "What would you do for him?"
I said instantly, truthfully (no way in Hell was I going to lie to him) "I'd die for him."
"You'd do that? Why is that then?"
"I'd do anything for him, just like you would do anything for your Loki." That basically jumped out of my mouth, but it must have got through to him.

Odin stood up and look at my friend.  There was another twinkle in his eye, which meant the debt I was going to owe Odin for my friend's life was either going to be hard going or would test my morals. Or sanity.
Odin vanished and my friend woke up and looked at me, but I ignored him and took his watch hand to see the time (in my other dreams, Odin has left little messages or numbers on watches) and saw a count down from 40 secs on the screen. Instantly I ran into another room while my friend went and got somethings.

The dream went on for a little while longer then I got woken up.

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That's the first dream I've had where Loki hasn't been nearby in some way; but going by the way I was speaking to Odin, what I was saying, as well as the weird clothes I had on...I wonder if I was meant to be 'playing' Loki in some way. Okay, maybe not fully as I knew I was still me, but possibly a little bit.

I'm also wondering what Odin was going to do to my friend; kill him? He wasn't the one who owned the books.
I think maybe, in a way, it was about my friend (in real life) becoming interested in Norse Paganism and in particular, Odin.  It could be that if my friend does do so, Odin will be rough with him... in a bad way.
 Still, I think if that was the case, Odin's backed off for a little bit after my little act of good friendship. But I'll be asking my friend next time I see him if he's been becoming interested in Norse teachings (might as well ask the others too, just in case).

 I'll have to wait and see if I really did pay off the debt in the dream or if that's what he wants me to do for him here in non-dream land...or if he has something else in mind.