MIA

It seems that sometime around about when I got Sigyn her flowers last Friday, I lost my purse. No idea how.

I didn't notice till the Monday when I wanted to head up to the shop for snacks. I seriously tore my room to shreds looking for it. Then I remembered that I worship a certain Trickster...

So I was calling out to him for help and asking, if it was him, to put it back. The longer I spent looking for my purse, the more stressed I was getting. I started to take it out on him, saying stuff like:

"Seriously Loki; God or not, if this was you, I'm really gonna kick your ass! No joke!" 

All that got me was a snicker and a raised eyebrow, 'Oh really?', and he disappeared laughing, leaving me, nearly in tears, to look around my room again.

As you can guess, I didn't find my purse - if I did lose it while outside, there's no hope of me getting it back: it'd get picked up, money taken out of and the rest dumped in the bin...and if it was Loki or one of his kin, then there's no hope of it being returned...ever. 

My gut is still telling me it's somewhere in the house though.

 

I'm also a bit pissed because I had taken £20 out of my bank account earlier that day in case I bought more things for Sigyn that night; and there was about £5 in change too.

But the best part? 

Somehow, I've still got my debit card, ID and bus pass - my 'important cards'. Out of all the ones in my purse, my important ones were left, safe and sound, on my desk. 

I do have the habit of taking out my cards, then putting them into my pockets (rather than back into my purse) after...but I can't remember taking out my ID at all that week, so I've no idea how that one was safe.

The only cards that were left in my purse were one like my Waterstones point card, Library card, Organ Registrar Ticket, etc. I'll have to replace them at some point.

It could have been a lot worse though; I could have lost my debit card along with the purse, and whoever picked it up could have used my card online...or at a ATM, as I've never gotten round to changing my pin from the blindingly easy one it's at now. 

I felt like a bitch a few days later, once I accepted the fact that it was gone for good, over being pretty nasty to Loki; but he's been good natured over it and has been shrugging it off with a small grin. I think he liked the fact I was getting snappy.

Remeberance

My Mum's youth group happens to be a Christian one and we attend the Remembrance Sunday service each year, along with the boys from the other youth group.

Although I'm not Christian, I can deal with sitting in a church while our ministers prattles on about sins and what not; after all, it's about remembering fallen soldiers. I say my prayers to Hela then zoned out for the rest of the service (i.e, while he preaches for about an hour or two till no one knows what he's on about)

The minister caught my attention when he said, in a nutshell, that Christians are the only ones who pay remembrance to November 11th.

I found it a bit cheeky to assume that; considering the fact that I'm Norse Pagan and I was paying my respects. I'm sure Jews and Atheists remember and do something towards the fallen.


I'd be interested to see how others, who aren't under the Christian umbrella, pay their respects. Lighting a candle? A prayer to your local death deity? Some sort of service or group gathering? A minutes silence or wearing a poppy?

A Case of the Crazies

Round about the time I started college, I'd gotten on my usual bus back home. Across from me were two girls, one whom I knew from school.

A few stops into the journey, a man wearing scruffy clothes and a massive travelling rucksack came onto the bus and stood by the drivers cab, talking to him. Assuming he was a friend or regular of the driver, I ignored him and daydreamed.

A few minutes later he came up towards the back of the bus. Up close he looked far rougher than I imagined, and on instinct I slide my bag between myself and the window. He sat down in the seat behind the girls.

And he started to talk to them. Asked them if they went to school, what they studied. They lied of course, said they were studying to be chiefs; it's only natural when a weird man, who you have never met before, starts a random conversation. They continued to chat to each other, occasionally answering the man with short answers before returning to their own conversations. Yet, the man carried on talking to them.

I continued to stare out of the window, half listening.

"He must have something wrong with him, or he's a junkie." I thought. "He's probably crazy."

'Crazy like me?' asked Loki softly. "Aren't we all a little bit crazy?"

That made me stop and think, and after a few moments I started to listen to the man.

He praised them on going to school and said that he himself was once a chief; but he got into the wrong crowd, did drugs, and one night a fight broke out. Someone stabbed him with a used needle...and ended up he had contracted HIV from the wound. He had to quit his job as a chief. But he seemed happy; he told them he had been travelling around Africa for a five years, and was back to Scotland to visit a friend.

He then got off at his stop and as the bus carried on. The girls started to laugh. They giggled over how they thought he was going to mug them. They called him a psycho, a weirdo,  mocked his story.

I felt a swell of anger towards them. I felt I had taken and learned something from his story, which he had chosen to talk about to two random girls on a bus. I felt I had been given a small grain of wisdom, and was horrified that they simply dismissed him because he had spoken to them.

I then became angry at myself for judging him so quickly at the start.

I felt Loki smile and nod.

'Maybe crazy people aren't all that crazy. Maybe they are simply travelers who have a good story to tell.'

Sigyn's offering

I think it went pretty well (although earlier I remembered I was going to get strawberries to add to her cup - whoops). Walking home, carrying a bundle of flowers to give to a certain goddess is probably one of the strangest thing's I've done so far, I'll admit.

I couldn't decided on the wine to give her, as I wanted to give her something sweet but I have no clue when it comes to drinks. I ended up sticking my finger in each and tasting them...and nearly dislocated my arm in the process of removing a cork from a wine I got about seven years ago. Loki got his beer while I concocted something for us girls.

It didn't taste all that great - but that could have just been me as I'm not a fan of wine, and hence why I doused it with Sprite to try and sweeten it up.

Things were pretty quiet for a while; just me watching the altar while sipping my drink.

I then decided to lift up Sigyn's bowl and hold it in my hands for a while.
After fifteen minuets, I was still holding out the bowl - arms shaking like nuts, hands twitching the bowl as if to toss out the drink. I could never possibly fully appreciate how hard it must have been for her to hold her own bowl over Loki for years and years - I only did fifteen minutes and I was struggling.

Conveniently, it was midnight when I put the bowl back, and meditated for another fifteen. It always feels like I'm being pulled upward when I meditate - not just my spine straightening, but really going up. There was also something touching my jaw and then on my cheek under my eye which got annoying up to the end.

There wasn't any hints as to why she wanted an impromptu 'Beltane Loving Cup' and she was silent throughout, as was Loki - funnily enough, during my bowl holding, I noticed that his candle had gone out. I might take that as him leaving while I basically reenacted what Sigyn has done (or will be doing - their time is different form ours) for him.

That was about it for that ritual anyways, nothing much. Maybe something will happen soon - this might have been part one in a sort of payment installment for asking for her help, I don't know.

I keep getting a warm feeling every time I turn round and look at their altar - almost feels like they're there, smiling at each other and sharing their drinks.

So, that's it for this post. I'll leave you with a new picture of the altar (it looks a lot cozier when the candles are lit and the oil burner is going...not to mention a bowl of wine and a pint of beer):

Since Sigyn has been hovering around, I feel more inclined to not say I'm a only a Lokean, but rather say I'm a Norse Pagan or 'right smack bang within the Rökkatru/Rökkr patheon'. Good times.

Fretting aside, I'm legitimatly looking forward to tonight with Siygn. Even the altar, which was Loki's corner, has become a bit more feminine looking - I gave her an old teddy I had since I was little and sat it amongst my pagan books.
I also found yesterday at college one of those small plastic flowers lying on the floor in the hallway - it was only the flower head, but it looked so out of place I instinctively picked it up and carried on. It's now sitting beside Loki's carnelian stone and Sigyn's rose quartz, at the base of my white candle.

If I had the room I'd make separate altars for any of them who stopped by, but for now it'll do - I don't think they mind too much sharing a space. I even think they rather like it.


Last night I tried some meditation lying down - to help me sleep. It was going pretty well, then cue a massive full body spasm which knocked my concentration and I couldn't get back into my rhythm. I'm used to twitching hands and heads turning suddenly, but this is a first that my entire body jolted.
Must have had a lot of tension that needed booted out, heh.

Ritual and Tarot

I've been going over and over the details for my offering to Sigyn tomorrow...today. It's also a full moon tonight, which is lovely - I'll have to ask out to Kari if he'll move the clouds out so we can see Mani through the window. It's been horrible weather for the past few days.

I've also been wondering where Loki has gone off to; is he just gone for the meantime? Is he waiting till Sigyn has taught me something before moving back in? What if he's really gone for good?

I think even if he's gone off me, I'll still leave offerings and pray; I would say I'm still a keen lover of the trickster even if he's left. I've had no clear indication from him as to if he's gone or not; besides from an absence, that even I can feel in my gut, saying he's not nearby. It makes me sad and tearful to think that he might have up and left...but like I said, he hasn't said he's passing me over to his wife so that could mean he's coming back.

For all I know he could have planned for us to have a 'girly get together' so we could sort out my issues for when he gets back - I have a small ounce of hope saying that is what's going on: Sigyn wants me to learn to have faith in something that looks impossible and to help heal up any wounds I might have reopened by mistake.
Whether it was Loki who asked Siygn for this or if it was Sigyn who insisted she'd be the one for this job, I don't know.

Times like these make me wish I could go to someone who does work with them and ask what's being said - but sadly all we have is normal psychics who do normal readings: no deity speakers, 'horses' or god workers here.

Speaking of readings: I did a tarot reading just now: I asked, in general, about this whole 'Loki leaving, Sigyn stepping up' event, and did it to the three card spread.

Past: King of Cups
Present: The Star
Future: 10 of Cups

And I then asked for Sigyn to give three things I need to do to improve myself (religiously).

1.  3 of Wands
2.  Knight of Swords
3.  The Chariot

Very interesting results....what more can I say.

Ouch..

I was thinking about preparations for giving Sigyn her May Cup this Friday and remembered I had a wax tart of Sweet Violet (I have a feeling they're one of her favorite flowers) in my candle box; which meant getting rid of the left overs of my last tart in my oil burner.

It was still a bit liquid at the top but I thought I'd manage to get it all down to the kitchen without spilling. Forgot to touch wood.

Spilled it all over my hands and found out rather quickly it was still scalding hot. It also went over the faces of my drawers and splashed on some tights in an open drawer below, and a few drops went onto my carpet.

Luckily I seem to be immune to hot wax so my hands are completely fine; blister and lobster coloured free. 

The wax easily lifted off the wood; but I had to pull what wax I could from my carpet with my fingers and found that using a wad of sandpaper-ish looking stuff lifted most of it out, which I didn't expect. (I wouldn't advise anyone to do this to their own carpets, I'm just a reckless idiot) I'll see how it looks after the next time I hoover.

 I also think I got the wax mostly out of my tights by dousing them in a bath of boiling water then adding cool water so the oil  on the the surface solidified.

At least I now know how not to go about cleaning my oil burner next time...and the best way to de-wax clothes. 

I bet Loki found all this quite amusing; it was basically all done as soon as I got the burner clear of his altar top.